As I prepare to turn 30 this week, I began to look back at my 20s as a time of uncertainty, exploration, and change. In the later part of my 20s things started to change significantly and life started to get a little more real. The later part of your 20s can be a transitional and confusing period and in astrology it’s known as your Saturn Returns. The planet Saturn supposedly returns to the same place in the sky it occupied at the time of your birth, bringing an energy of discipline and forcing you into adulthood. Maybe it’s a transition into adulthood, maybe life is getting more real, maybe it is the Saturn’s energy puling you in a more intense way. All I know is that during the period of 27 to 30 I was faced with more challenges, and questions about life. And in my 29th year, shit really hit the fan!
It’s funny to think back when I was younger imagining what life would be like when I was thirty. Would I be married? Definitely. A house owner? Certainly. Would I have children? Absolutely. Have a career that stimulated me? Without a doubt. Other than being married, I’m nowhere near where I thought I’d be at this age, and you know what? I’m totally content with that. I’ve realized more recently that the universe doesn’t take your plans into consideration. You can map out your entire life only to have everything derailed by some crazy turn of events, and that’s just the way it is. We’re all experiencing life a little differently, so why would it make sense to assume that we should all be at a certain point based on the number of years we’ve been alive.
I’m convinced that the corona virus pandemic is my Saturn Returns. Ever since I returned from Spain on March the 2nd my entire life has been flipped upside down. At first I was content during the tiger king phase of lockdown, flights were empty at work, Daniel wasn’t traveling, we were getting fat on sourdough bread, and we were looking to buy our first home. That all came crashing down when I found out I would be furloughed on October 3rd. Not only was our house hunt at an end, but I never in a million years thought I would be turning 30 and unemployed.
While I’m not in the slightest bothered about not owning a home, or not having children, being furloughed at 30 didn’t make me feel amazing about where I was in life, especially when I was about to hit a milestone birthday. Throughout the pandemic I’ve said that we all need to have more grace with one another, so why wasn’t I giving grace to myself? The past 30 years I’ve made so many beautiful memories with family and friends, stupid mistakes, and had all of the excitement and confusion of growing up. I can’t believe how quickly it all came and went. I know that my time away from work will go by even faster. These next couple of months (hopefully not longer) I plan on using this time to relax and focus on myself and all of those project around my house I’ve always wanted to accomplish, but never had enough time to complete. I think that if younger Heather could have known where we’d end up at 30 she would have been pretty happy and excited about her future and that’s enough validation for me.
